My Story

I have to get this out in the open so that I can start to recover. I met this boy in a VBS class over the summer and when i was 13 we started dating. I thought he was perfect. Then when we were kissing he started trying to get farther and farther with me even when I told him I wasn't sure I wanted to. He always held my wrists so I never felt in control of anything and when i started trying to resist, he started to push my around. He didn't directly hit me, but he bruised my arms when he would grab me or pull me or just swing me around to show me he was stronger. When we started dating it was all compliments, but now he was telling me I was worthless and all I wanted was to start drama and I was such a snob and he was tired of trying to defend me. I went to a institution for depression and when i got out he used it as an excuse to abuse me further. He would tell me I should stop complaining and causing drama with him or I would end up right back in the hospital and even told me I was weak and easy to manipulate. I stayed with him still because I was scaredd of him. He had a knife collection and said if he ever lost me he would cut his wrists open with one and kill himself and he liked to play with them in front of me. Then one day we were in church and when everyone else went up for dinner he told me to follow him, and he raped me in our Sunday School room. When I finally did leave him he stalked me constantly, and still does sometimes, we go to the same school so it's hard to get away from the memories and the horribly vivid flashbacks. I want to recover, and I'm trying to write a story in our local newspaper to spread awareness of abuse but it's hard to search for the information I need when my memories keep get triggered. I had to let someone know, I had to let it out.